Jordan and Keegan: Best Friends Forever – Key & Peele

– Thank you for inviting meover here to the game today.

– Oh, no problem- Really appreciate it.

– I mean, you're my best friend.

– Wow, thanks man.

Hey, you know what, you're my best friend too.

– Cool.

– Yeah yeah yeah.

– Wrote a song about it.

(Keegan laughs) ♪ You're my best friend ♪ ♪ Together we canchange the world ♪ – I've been tryingto reach out to you all day, are we on for tonight? Jeez.

– What? You can't catch me.

You can't catch me.

I'm Lance Moore.

Touchdown bitch.

What? Pause.

(phone rings) Oh shoot.

Keegan's been texting me.

Sorry dude.

Missed your texts.

I assumed we'd meetat the bar, whatever.

I don't care.

(phone chimes) – Sorry dude, missed your texts.

I assumed we'd meet at the bar.

Whatever I don't care.

Whatever I don't care? Whatthe (beep) is his problem? Do you even want to hang out? – Do you even wanna hang out? Oh, that's considerate.

Like I said, whatever.

– Like I said whatever? (beep) this guy! Jesus, you- – are (beep)priceless.


You're – The one who's (beep)priceless this.



This (beep) right here.

Oh he wants to, mm hm.


You wanna go? – Right now? GuessI could do that.

(he grunts) Okay.

– Okay let's go.

Hesaid okay let's go.

Okay let's go?! All right, you know what you know what, you wanna really – Do this now? Keegan, you nut.

You're not putting me out.

– (beep) yeah, let's do it.

Oh ya (beep) asshole! – First round's mine.

– Oh no, oh no there gonbe no rounds asshole! It's gonna be a(beep) street fight.

This son of a- (upbeat dance music) – Cause tonightwe gonna party .



– You! – Buddy! Like I said, first round's mine.

A beer and a gimletfor my partner right- what's that? – Uh, I got you a baseball bat.

With nails in it.

– For my post-apocalypticJackie Robinson costume.

How did you know? (car honks) – All right, so wehave to remember H5.

– Okay.

Uh, oh.

Igot it.

High five.

– Oh I see, that's good.

I see what you'retrying to do there.

You're trying to figureout a mnemonic device.

Uh, okay, high fivescame out in the '70s.

That's when they were invented.

That's a seven.

– Yeah.

– There's two of us.

So if you subtract twofrom seven, that's five.

– Okay great, so you got it.

– And then, there'sfive major food groups.

– Why are you going on? – Oh no you're gonna love this.

This is fun for mecause it's a puzzle.

– No, no puzzle.

– Five major food groups.

There's meat, vegetables, grain, dairy, and fruits.

– Okay.

– My favoritefruit is pineapple.

– But you know thatwe got it already.

– Pineapple comes from Hawaii.

– Okay.

– Oh, and oo, my favoritecurrent show is Hawaii Five-0.

– Hawaii Five-0, okay.

So that's it.


– Oo, oo and Scott Caan isthe star of Hawaii Five-0.

– We're really talkingabout Scott Caan? – His father is James Caan, who's one of thefive major stars of – What's wrong with you? – One of the five majorhuge stars, H, right, of the Godfather movies.

So it's Caan, Pacino, Brando, Duvall, and um Diane Keaton.

And it's easy toremember her name because her name is the same lastname as Buster Keaton.

And Michael Keaton.

Bothcomedians and when you laugh, you say ha.

Ha, ha.

– Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

You see what you're doing? You're over complicatingthe whole thing.

We already had it.

You're just, you're just makingit more difficult.

Just like you do everything.

I left my phone in the car.

Which is, wait, hold up.

A dab, no it was a handshake.

– No I got it, I got it.

Ha, Buster Keatonthen Michael Keaton, same last name as Diane Keaton, one of the five huge stars on the Godfather movies.

Keaton, Brando, Duvall, Pacino, and James Caan, who's the father of Scott Caan, who's thestar of Hawaii Five-0, Hawaii, pineapple, pineapple's my favorite fruit, five major foodgroups, two of us, five plus two is seven, that's the 70s, whenhigh fives were invented.

H5!- High five! High five! I had it! Damn! – [Peele] What up Vegas? – What up Vegas?! – Ha ha ha.


Three days, meand you, free drinks, thank you, beotches! – Man, this is gonna beour shit right here, dog.

This is gonna be my Let's get some jams goingup in this bitch right now! (rap music) Oh shit! That's myjam right there! I love this song man! – I love this song too, man! That's, everybodyloves this song.

– Roll with me, roll with me Let the night on fire with me – Girl you know that I got What you need see, don't get greedy Give it up sweetly, Let me set that body free, Cause what you got, yougot to give it to me What ♪ Let the night unfold with me ♪ – Ever since I wasrocking a onesie, I know that you wassecond to none B growing up, and learning ABC's and one, two, threes, hoping you'd learn we.

Were meant to be.

Even way back then.

Every little niggaknows a perfect ten.

But then you know, I grow up, and got a little bitolder, a little bit bolder.

Brushing off myshoulders, almost a man.

Those playgroundfeelings grew stronger.

Couldn't wait much longer.

Now with me.

You belong girl- Roll with me.

– Roll with me, roll with me.

– Let the night on fire with me.

– [Keegan] Use yourwords, take it right now! (Peele mumblesincorrectly to song) – Now, no, what the hell? Don't turn it off justcause you don't know it.

– What we gonna dowhen we get to Vegas? – No no no no no no no, don't change the subject about what we gonna do in Vegas.

If you don't know thewords, just admit you don't – I know the words.

I told you, why would I makeup that know, don't know- that's ridiculous man.

No, I know the words.

– It seemed like youdidn't know the words.

– I know the words.

Hey, listen, to me, man.

– What? – I know the words to that song.

– Okay.

– Everybody knows.

– Okay.

– No, it's not okay cause youobviously don't believe me.

Hey, dude, on ourfriendship, I know the words.

To Roll with Me.

– Okay.

I'm sorry.

– It's all right.

– Just let it go, I'm sorry.

That was stupid, stupid.

– Turn it back up.

(rap music) (car door opens) (he grunts) – Yeah, that really hurt.

– Oh! – What! – Oh my God! That is crazy! – Oh my god.

– Oh my gosh.

– Hey, uh, forgot to tell you.

Congratulations ongetting the new job! – Oh, thanks man.

Appreciate it.

– That's awesome.

– Thank you for inviting meover here to the game today.

– Oh, no problem.

– Really appreciate it.

– I mean, you're my best friend.

– Wow, thanks man.

Hey, you know what, you're my best friend too.

– Cool.

– Yeah yeah yeah.

– Wrote a song about it.

(Keegan laughs) – Not gonna sing it or anything cause that would be gay.

– That's pretty gay.

– All right, I'llgive it a shot.

Wally you're my best friend.

Together we canchange the world.

We been togetherthrough thick and thin, playing ball andtalking to girls.

Wally I'm so proud of you you know you're takingall of my advice.

– Wait, stop, stop, stop.

What advice? – Oh, um, it'sjust a song, dude.

I mean, can I finish? – Okay.

– You've done everythingI've asked of you, and you never everever question twice.

– What are you talking about? – Thank you for doingwhat I told you to, your achievements are also mine, my padawan, you makeyour sensei proud.

Living your life, living your life, living your life to my design, – That was the weirdest songI've ever head in my life – You have listenedto your elders, – I'm older than you.

– Never forget the words I say, you are the productof my creation, – What? No I'm not.

– I have shown you the way.

– Except for that you haven't.

You haven't.

– Modulate.

Like the white horse guideshis cubs to the plains of the caribou.

– Shut up! (door closes) – I have done all I can, the rest is up to you.

My little cub is all grown up.


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